Moonly Dreaming 2014-2015
Blue moon over K'omoks estuary Vancouver Island, BC July 31, 2015
photo by Medwyn
Moonly Dreaming is a Gestare co-created practice of setting intention to dream for the collective on the nights of the full moons and sharing the resulting dreams here on this site. The full moon dates over the period of the practice are listed here along with the names given the full moons by the First Nations of North America:
August 10 - Sturgeon Moon
September 9 - Corn Moon
October 8 - Hunters Moon
November 6 - Beaver Moon
December 6 - Long Night's Moon
2015
January 5 - Wolf Moon
February 3 - Snow Moon
March 5 - Worm Moon
April 4 - Pink Moon
May 4 - Flower Moon
June 2 - Strawberry Moon
July 2 - Buck Moon
July 31 - Blue moon
August 29 - Sturgeon Moon
September 28 - Corn Moon
October 27 - Hunter's Moon
July 31, 2015 - Blue Moon
Medwyn's Dream
July 31, 2015
On July 31 I watched the full moon rise over K’omoks Estuary sacred land for the K’omoks people, home to many species of aquatic wild life, birds and plants. I dreamed in the early morning hours.
I am driving, it is a long way, to go to a retreat with a group I worked with in the 1980’s and ’90’s. I jolt awake and realize I have been asleep at the wheel but the car has found its way and as I turn a corner I see the sign NOREL which is where I am going. It is a large old mansion house that has been repurposed into a gathering centre. I drive down a long driveway which has been resurfaced and is quite deep with gravel on one side, with piles of gravel on the other side. Along the driveway there are cabins and small houses which are made from recycled building materials and groups of young people all texting and talking on their mobile phones.
I drive up to the house into an open concrete garage type place, find a door at the back behind an upright panel of plywood, and go into the house. I walk through various rooms where there are beds and tables set up and people I don’t know. I ask a man who looks a bit like a worker/janitor and ask him where my group is. He takes me to another place to ask and nobody there seems to have heard of the group I am supposed to meet. I’m tired and testy about this wondering if I have come to the wrong place. I go further into the house and find a beautiful huge central wooden staircase and entrance hallway with levels up and rooms going off corridors at each level. I want to stay there so I go looking for somewhere I can settle and rest. At this point I’m not worried about meeting my group and so far nobody I have met seems at all concerned at me wandering around, so I think I may as well stay and enjoy being there and see what happens next.
Barbara's Dream(s)
July 31, 2015
I had three different dreams on this night.
i) A young man and young woman meet each other on their separate travels. They passionately kiss each other while eating chocolate croissants together.
I am also traveling alone and witness this exchange. Then I run into a young boy traveling who is eating at a restaurant. I ask if the food is good - it is pasta with seafood. He says yes, but I am reluctant to sit down and eat a meal. I keep looking for a different place to get something to eat. Then I am looking for a place to stop and do laundry. I miss two places as they are busy and I can't find another one.
[My thoughts after writing these dreams down in the night is that like passionate kissing and eating chocolate pastries our Gestare times together are short, intense and rich experiences that take place when I am traveling. Traveling with Nané in Paris this summer and Medwyn joining her this fall also brings this transient piece in.]
ii) A young woman discovers for the first time what the exhilaration of running down a long fight of stone stairs can feel like.
[I loved the felt experience of this dream. The young woman was me but not me.]
iii) I am at a family reunion but we are not in reunion. We do not know each other. There are many rings - all kinds. I am putting stone rings on my fingers. Stones with holes drilled into them. Two of the stone rings crumble. The stone rings are beautiful and I am sad they have broken. I find other more delicate silver rings and I put them on.
I am in the washroom and a young blind woman comes in and does not hear me and sits on my lap to pee. I have to be very authoritative and say "I am here. Do not sit on me. You need to wait until I am done." She then gets off and I get up and leave without peeing myself.
I see my nephew Jordan with his five year old daughter on his lap. We see each other but no connection is made. It is like we are in different universes.
[These different but continuous dreams remind me of the first dream; the difficulty of sustaining connection and being in the same universe or worldview on an ongoing basis that can lead to not being heard, seen, acknowledged or in any kind of communication. I am feeling this with my return to the US and the conservative government in the state I live in alongside the news that I can no longer vote as a Canadian with the conservative government's new law, brought in pre-election that Canadians living outside Canada more than 5 year can't vote as we are not impacted by Canadian politics. I know I am feeling deeply exiled about this news and the intensity of the first dream and the freedom run on the stairwell contrasts what I wish the world had more of. Gestare holds the views of passionate connection and also struggles to be seen and heard in an impactful way in our current world. My relationship with Gestare is a place where I feel heard, seen and respected. Living in the contradiction is the struggle.]
Nané's dreams
July 24, 2015 - Dream in Grandma J's house. I am staying in the house. She is gone, but the house is still there. In this dream I am notice how I can sometimes stay there, also with my dad and other family members. But grandma is really gone, that sense of her completely leaving at death. I am there thinking how good it is that the house isn't sold, and that I can still stay there, and how family can can all still visit in her house. I want to live there for awhile, and I am tracing all the rooms with my shadow. I go out the side door and into the ravine. But as I wake up, I panic. It's like a 'bad' dream, as I realize, not only is grandma gone, but the house is too, sold after her death.
Aug 3, 2015 - Dream in Grandma C's house (an actually abandoned house in Toronto, that my mother and aunt let fall into the ground)- Now I am thinking about moving in there, I'm staying there by myself for awhile. I feel curious that I can and will do this, as I know the house is 'owned' by my aunt and mom, and I wonder when/if they will show up. Yet I know it is empty, and that I am 'left out' of the family's ability to act for the house. They do not pass it onto the next generation (which is myself and my daughters), but instead leave it empty and falling apart. So that I occupy this family inheritance as a dream visiter, or 'ghost.' It's still a part of me, even if it isn't made so by my family. In the dream, I am feeling concerned about when/if my mom will show up, especially as I don't what to interact with her by myself. But I do have a KEY for this house, so I know I am allowed to be there, despite my aunt and mom. All the women's spirituality women are then there, staying with me. We are taking care of some plants, J & D and others. J has ideas about how to take care of some of the plants and is helping me with them. My mom then shows up, but is just there puttering around too. We say Hi briefly. I really don't want to say much more. It is very uncomfortable for me, but she is there and I have to endure it. At least the other women are there with me, and my mom can't do anything about it. And she won't say/do things to me in front of them.
Barbara's Dream
July 2, 2015
I. I am at the ocean-side with my mom or I am my mom. There are other people around. It is beautiful with lots of activity.
II. Michael has flowers in his hands and we are planting seeds.
III. Children are at a dance class getting ready for a performance. One of the male assistants was sexually violating the children - a 5 year old girl and a 3 year old boy (Rowan?). It took a while to understand what was happening. Then it became clear and the abuser was confronted. He did not resist. The little girls did a process of hitting the photo of the abuser. There were still going to dance in the performance. The adults were fooled and did not find out soon enough.
I woke up thinking about the flower dream and how beautiful it was and then the veil over the dream about the sexual abuse dream lifted. It was almost hidden except that I was thinking about writing my dreams down for Gestare this day.
ingred's dream
i'm leading a writing group, some of the women resemble the belgians who came to 'art of living' at mickleton. there's a man 'charles' with burgundy framed glasses, he's very feminine & i'm studying his features, noting he doesn't attract me, trim & dogged in black shirt & light trousers. he wants to know about the group and what we do & tries to keep physically close to me. i don't realise how much he wants to 'penetrate' the group.
the women have dispersed. we're in an institutionalised building—school/museum/gallery. i'm setting up room in ritual fashion, put beautiful indian fabric with flashing discs on small low table, cushions around room—womblike feel to room. suddenly a man bursts through door with camera gear & crane and is setting up for a 'shoot'. i'm furiously angry & almost batter him with words shouting i'd never said he could do this. i know he's doing it for 'charles'. i realise c wants to make a film of our activity—he comes in businesslike & apologetic but i'm unappeased. some of the women drift in & don't understand what the problem is. not all of them available for class right now even tho' it was scheduled. i notice 2 young children in corner of room, set up with what seem to be small piano-like instruments. one, a 3yr old down's syndrome boy, is facing the wall & playing without sound. i think 'oh, they're from the orphanage.'
i wake up & physical impression of 'c' very strongly in my body—orange hair & beard, pale skin—even his physical appearance annoys me & i'm wondering what i did (in the dream) to give him the impression i'd go along with his plan?
June 3, 2015
I am getting ready for a camping trip. I know I will be picked up early in the morning. It is a beautiful natural camp area we will be going to. There is some thought that others may join and we are working out the pick up arrangements for this.
ingred's dream
our saraswati women's group meeting & betsy has joined us. saskia has taken charge & in her humourous bossy way, has us put tape over our eyes because we're to listen, not look. I feel betsy resistant but saskia's manner humours her. suddenly we're inside a car, several other women have joined us and it's the moment to sing a traditional "buddhist" chant. they all start. i'm in the back seat aware of kami in front with scarf round her head. the song's unlike a chant & has many facial gestures, twisting of head and "firey" glares. i don't like it & several of us shrug our shoulders, put our hands up in the air. lizanne says just follow us but it's way too complicated & militaristic.
2nd part of dream. i've climbed up on shelves in the room to try and release a plastic woven net from a doll that has many sharp angles. am on tiptoes and feel toes sweaty & losing hold. even tho' it's taking longer than i'd expected i keep on tugging away thread by thread, sometimes having to break it off. i'm concerned it's taking too long but i have to do it.
3rd part. brian (a friend in sechelt) is waiting outside the door & annabelle (old school friend) seems to be in the room. suddenly they change the seating & have put a large mattrass on the floor. i'm worried betsy'll be annoyed because it's become her place & it's ruining its uncluttered look. but b goes along with it & annabelle says it's much more comfortable to sit this way. from my position up on the 'cliff' (bookshelves) i say to tannis, i prefer sufi singing, it's much simpler & more beautiful.
May 4, 2015 - Flower Moon
Nané's Dreams
May 3, 2015
Holding a squirming cat. I am trying to carry her across what feels like co-op apartments. I am inside other peoples’ spaces as I move cross the co-op. These apartments are in an open-air concept. It’s as if the inside and outside spaces are the same—or just very connected. Then a French family arrives with a friend. I am holding the cat and trying to talk with them, but they are distracted and about to leave on a holiday. I seem to need to communicate with them more then they do with me.
May 7, 2015
A big dog/wolf is trying to get into the cabin where I am staying in. I don’t want her in the house so I shut the door quickly. But she is persistent, shoving her nose and leg into the door to keep it open. I am not afraid of her, despite her huge size. I know her well. We are tussling with this door, to be in/out. I like this big wolf very much, I just don’t want her in this small space knocking things around with her wild energy.
May 8, 2015
In a thrift store with Barbara and Shirin. Shirin is standing in the line, waiting to pay for something. Barbara comes over to show us an Xmas ornament she likes, and some scraps of red ribbon she wants to use for a project or ritual. As she waves the ornament toward us, we can see it’s very old. It soon just falls apart, and disintegrates onto the floor.
Barbara's Dream - May 3
Then I am in a car (my old vintabe buick from 1961). I am tring to get somewhere in Calgary. I am with Michael and then on my own. The car stalls in a snow bank and some men come by. I try to roll my window up and lock the door before they arrive but I am not in time. They want the keys. I have 2 sets, one for the car and another set for our Center in Calgary. I refuse to give the keys to them and they begin to torture me to get them but I won't give the keys up. I am screaming for help and hope help comes. I still do not give up the keys.
Then I am at my friend Carla's upstairs with her son (who is my grandson Rowan). We hear someone in the basement calling for help. I go down and Rowan runs down with me. I get ahead of him as I do not want him to discover anything bad first. It is Carla's husband and he is on the floor in the living room having a seizure. He is okay and asks that I go and get his clothes for him to change. I say to Rowan. "Lets go and get clothes for your dad upstairs." Rowan runs up to get the clothes.
ingred's dreams
a slew of may dreams—(unsurprisingly full of buildings i'm clearing & leaving parallels actual sale and clearing of william st house—home for 13yrs, 2nd to longest stay in one home after 18yrs in childhood home in london from birth to leaving to university )
friday may 1 am going into a church like building with a male academic and a group of women friends. i go down the aisle to 'baptism' font. a priestess at the end of the aisle is furious with me for the way i walk there with flamboyant blue shawl, you're inappropriate in dress and attitude. get out! i'm nosing a can through the main hall in a church, get to the end wall and have to back up. ask the person with me, how the hell am i going to make the turn? with the man again who's fucking me and another woman. desire drains away, i become an onlooker while they're fully absorbed. it's at night and i feel lost and silenced.
saturday may 2 am in a house at the end of a long garden and everything's a mess. there are several deep sinks full of dirty water, cloths floating in them. am making no headway in clearing them. am feeling overwhelmed. i have to get away & go to get cory (my son) from boarding school. take a train through the english countryside. all the passengers in high spirits, county-tweed plump faced men. train comes to halt in station with name like 'dachsaw/dachshund'. i realise it's one stop further than my stop. i get out and ask a man also getting off if he knows a boys' boarding school in the area. he doesn't & is reluctant to be held up.
am riding back on a bike with zoe (daughter). amazed how quickly we get home without effort through the countryside. trying to get up stairs with her behind me. we're on our knees because each step oveflowing with stuff, trying to clear them off but i don't know where to put it all. feels like i'm climbing a mountain in the wrong gear.
sunday may 3 leaving a big country house (like la vigne in france but made of wood and glass). several groups of people have been through and 2 israeli sisters want me to go with them. they're wearing carnival costumes & i just want to be undisturbed and get on with the job. am surprised windows have been left open when we're leaving. i close up plain unslatted wooden shutters, notice serge and another group of people go below. he's beckoning me. i'm annoyed he's enjoying himself instead of getting on with the job of closing up the house. am alarmed to find a corridor's collapsing—it's the way out. it's made of mattress ticking with swells of material held together with buttons but it's out of red clay and buttons like ceiling rosettes. it's tube-like and descends in gentle curve. i'm at the top end looking down through its folds—hesitant.
monday may 4 wandering through large house thinking here's a place i can breathe. i know it's lizanne & kolin's home but they're away. i keep on landing up at the outhouse. doors shiny black. i go there several times uncertain which door to open. twice i get it right and go in. one time i open the doors & they lead to a spacious & luxurious bedroom. someone's under the cream satin duvet. it's jonina & i apologise for disturbing her. she's sitting up on a top shelf with a sparkly long velvet scarf holding her hair back from face. looks like gypsy queen. she's telling me she can no longer stay in this house. something going on that's not ok but she doesn't say what. i'm relieved because now i won't have to try & feel ok here.
wednesday may 6 am on holiday in the mountains in another country. blinding white though not snow. i can't see as if something's been thrown into my eyes. am climbing up a steep slope & a voice from below left calls. i see a small group of people sitting having a picnic on the ground. the one who called puts out his hand 'jeff' then quickly sits down with the group. i bend over not wanting to lose connection, 'ingrid'. i continue climbing. immediately there's a sheer rock smooth marbly surface & i'm right up against it, feel its boniness against my body. can't see well & find footholds by feel but a piece above is completely 'skinned' smooth as an arbutus with no handholds. i start coming down and run into 'whiteout'. am flailing at the outside & almost underneath white caravan/truck. try to climb up into its 'birth canal' shaped corridor. a family of three with young child move into a cavern with echoey swimming pool. i'm recounting this as if to a companion but no-one else there. i talk with the family but the young boy reluctant to come near me. they want the contact to end. i struggle to get away through another enclosed 'canal'.
friday may 8 am helping mary-jo in her large home full of people, particularly in the kitchen where every surface covered with stuff, double-decker dish rack piled high with glasses & dishes & cloths. i see marco talking with young man, i'm hoping they'll stay for dinner so we can connect. very disappointed when i hear them planning to go elsewhere. marco explains they need to organise something. feel hurt/deserted. am following mary-jo back from garden into house & am uncomfortable with being the follower & not independent so i take another path & study a tree in front of me. it also blocks her view of me. back in the house i ask her if i can help. she pauses & i feel weighed down & very tired. relieved when she tells me to sit down.
tuesday 12 may am in a red clay village in mexico but it has very american feel. gently lowering myself onto a mattrass which is lying on top of saille & another person, careful not to be too heavy. its rolling on wheels up & down and being pulled by steel wires. holding onto metal bar lodged under armpits while person behind me holding my waist. we're being hoisted up like a ferris wheel and then dropped fast down over incredibly blue sea with choppy waves tipped white, drawn up again, over & down plunging as if no restraint. am very excited by the speed and the sense of free fall. second or third time round as we race close to falling into sea i see someone's legs & sandals (curtis?) swimming just under the surface/not sure whether they're alive or drowned. pulled back up the sea becomes tiny spot of blue then rushes toward me in all its sensate detail of wave & foam. i notice my legs dangling below me in loose fitting stockings. annoyed the way they wrinkle and gape. am trying to find way back to towncentre—haven't a clue where to go. follow an american who's rather haughty. nothing's familiar and then a young man i know (marco) is showing me a terracotta chart or map to show me where to pick up the boy 'sasha'. 25th street seems torn off the edge. i can only see 18th. my eyes full of water, can't focus properly. my sunglasses have a soft leather covering over the metal frame. it's loose fitting like my tights.
April 4, 2015 - Pink Moon
Barbara's Dream - April 4
I am at a university (may be UBC) but seems like an older one. I have purchased a ticket to the mass at the cathedral for that night. Nané will be singing in the choir. I have also just read her dissertation as I am advising for it with her committee. She has an extra 5th chapter. She would like to end it with chapter 4. I have read it all and can see it working ending at that chapter but the last chapter takes the work to a whole new understanding and I think she should include it. This is what I want to tell her committee. Her singing in the cathedral is part of the last chapter. I ask Michael if he wants to come to the cathedral concert and if I should buy his ticket while I am at the university. It may be sold out at the door. He does not give me a clear answer. I say to him, Yes or No. I tell him about the dissertation as well and he does not give me a clear answer again. I am torn on both counts as I want him to come to the concert. He suggests the 5th chapter may be the beginning of a new body of work rather than the end of the dissertation. I agree with this but still feel undecided about what to advise.
The cathedral is a European cathedral - like in London or maybe it is in Ireland. I am looking forward to attending and hearing the choir sing. I know it will be a transcendent experience.
March 5, 2015 - Worm Moon
Barbara's Dream - March 2
I am in a cross between real life and a story unfolding about a white horse, who is a wild horse that has been contained. A couple owns him and cares for him. The woman decides to rope the horse up and the horse goes crazy. It starts running around and bucking and yanking on the rope. I am concerned that the horse will harm or kill itself by snapping its neck. It runs up a cliff and I think it will run off the cliff. I am watching with the couple and share my concern. The women decides to un-rope the horse and grabs him by the neck and takes the rope off. She manages to do this without getting hurt herself. Then the horse runs off and is free. Another couple is there with their two children and they have witnessed this movie that Caroline Springgate [who is actuality is part of Women Make Movies in Vancouver] has made. The parents are concerned the movie will traumatize the children. I do not think so and I ask the young boy and he says no, he was not traumatized. I say it had a good ending as the horse was set free from its disturbing confinment. This would not be disturbing for the child to witness.
In waking I note the energy of the horse was quite powerful. There was no option that it should be confined. Its only choice was freedom.
feb 13th. dreams have been coming remembered regardless of phases of moon. or can we see it like this—we're always in some phase of moon. i read kamenetz's book & went to website north of eden where dreamwork he describes in his book takes place. they invite you to send a dream to give you an idea of their approach. i liked feedback i got and followed up with 90min skype session having emailed 6 dreams before. what struck me was yes let image speak for itself but emotion is the key—where (k)not/body tangled mind revealed depth. often in my dreams i wasn't sure what i was feeling. at least it wasn't languaged in written version. but as soon as i saw this—the following dreams tumbled out full of emotions.
feb 12
am with old school friend in atmosphere of intimate loving feelings. she's attentive & interested in what i'm saying. i confide i've bought a very pretty one piece underwear. top is simple but something specially feminine about the way bottom part blouses. we've been spending time out together. on oxford street (london where we knew each other for years) and it's getting late. i've an appointment for evening & suggest we head back. she's easy with it. then i notice her haircut. i notice it on another woman at same moment who suddenly disappears & i see it's same cut. short like mine round side & back. longer & sticking up on top. her once blond fine hair's now mousy & tips of it are dyed blond. it sticks up irregularly. i say how much i like it. it took 9 hrs & cost $200 she says. her eyes express how outrageous she finds that but is obviously pleased with outcome. am saddened we no longer share similar values.
feb 11
i've got to my evening appointment in time. jos is there. somehow we're together but as friends. we're all standing in a foyer waiting for a performance, close to a pillar in a public space with a low ceiling. i see on j's watch it's just past 5 & am relieved my timing's good. am carrying a drink making way down long passage. i know we're in a famous architect's home. someone like le corbusier & this place has become a museum. at end of sloping corridor we come out in a courtyard and there are all kinds of toy cars and buses lined up in rows. i'm surprised. not what i expected from a designer. think that if they weren't all lined up but in a heap would be viewed as oddball but so neat & orderly—considered artful.
feb 10
in basement or cellar of a house. wooden shelves almost empty. am pleased i haven't accumulated a lot of things.
many different exercises in a big house. Different women lead the exercises. The exercises involved using our bodies in various positions to experience our response to a suggested emotion or situation then we made art pieces and they were put around the place for us to see. The materials for the art were old clothing and hair grips and threads and ribbons and made things that some people modified others made from scratch. There was a time for being in water and moving together in response to words. The big group thinned out and there was a smaller group of us in the water. I was working with a toy and clothing and lost the belt I was working with so I just used fabric that I tied around the waist. i had three layers a patterned belt underneath then green fabric and gold brown fabric on top. We walked around the walls of this big old house and looked at each others art in amazement. As I was finishing someone called out wow look at this art and that started us all looking at the art together.
Scene changes and I'm out walking with a dog we meet another dog and they want to play there are three fenced rings set up and they could play in there but I have to move on.
Another piece a very disabled small man is trying to get our attention I'm with another woman he keeps trying to touch me I tell him not to touch me.
Barbara's Dream - January 30, 2015
I am visiting an artist who lives on a rich person's boat. Nané is with me. It is a huge luxury boat and is on a warm and tropical sea. She is an artist who has made good connections. Inside the boat she shows us her space and it is full of art everywhere. She does all forms of art. I am very impressed. It is hard to take it all in. I look out on the deck and see that the sea comes right to the banister. I ask if she is concerned with storms and the water taking over. She is not concerned. It has not happened so far. I am surprised. We go into different rooms to see her art. In one room there is a peacock. She has a pet peacock which is very tame and likes to be petted. It is plump and soft. I am aware this woman has made it as an artist. She is an artist's artist and has found support from the wealthy and connected to make her art.
Medwyn's dream - January 6
I am at a big family gather with my cousins, their children and friends of them and their children. We are on large grounds around a big house with three main rooms. Our friend Lambert is there as are my cousin Paul and Chris who feature in the story. They are playing cards and Paul and Chris are fighting. I vouch for how they always did this when they were young, Chris always picking on Paul. I'm having a great time, feeling welcome with lots of opportunities to talk with people and get reconnected. The feelings in this dream are more important that the details as the images remain while the actions seem less relevant.
had this small flash dream on waking this morn after 15 hours travel:
my mother's passing by me from the left leading a large dappled mare whose head is towering over me. i can see her yellow teeth as her nose comes down to my face. i'm trying to hold aside a flimsy cream curtain to use it as barrier between me & horse but her head's right over my upturned face. i use my mouth and try to kiss her on her upper lip to keep her teeth together so they won't bite me. her eyes show their whites & i know she knows i'm afraid. she flings her head back & away & her whole body passes by on the other side of the 'veil/ curtain' like a phantom horse in rush of silk. fear ripples through me like electric current. i try to hold it in. she mustn't sense it or she'll turn on me. then she's gone & it goes dark. only then i realise (in dream or recall i'm not sure which) there was a soft glow surrounding her. it feels like a 'visitation'.
Barbara's dream - January 8
gestarry notes dec 11
- emailed by ing to all
medwyn barbara ingred
no nané or clg
check-in
ing shared toilet water tank overflowing & earthquake dream & feedback from 'north of eden'
b shared bus dream & walking bare-breasted in veil feeling confident and free then other people get on the bus & we have to share seats...b gets off the bus
imagined us all being on the bus—came up with
medwyn sees it happening in somewhere like greece where we're big outgoing north american women having fun with peasant women on bus who're amazed by our behaviour—then men get on & atmosphere totally changes—we get off bus walking along road & veiling begins we're not sure where we are or whether it's appropriate—reading the situation we find ourselves in—now bus drops behind we're safe to go bare-breasted
ing sees it happening at night—co-incides with her bus dream of previous year where she's lost & doesn't know the name of the stop she needs. when they leave the bus bare-breasted she feels vulnerable imagining them like mythical women in classical paintings representing liberty etc & heading up an army of people only then suddenly to be isolated from the group.
talked of GW Lawrence's Social Dreaming
Nané's response:
thank you for the notes, good to see what dreams have come - issues of freedom and safety, by virtue of the breast. timely, also with all the internet safety issues of young women's boobs being used against them - i think what happened to the 70s, and naked freedom of expression? exposure of breast is now a caveat for censorship and silencing/control of women.
Barbara's Dream
Dec. 1, 2014 I am traveling with a group of people in a bus. We are enjoying ourselves. A few other people get on and we have to share our seats.... I am getting ready to go out and I am wearing almost nothing, or it feels like nothing and I assure myself that I am covered enough. I am walking bare breasted and feel very confident and free.... I am working to dress myself in a white veil. It is a large piece of fabric from the fabric story.
I had transcribed Leda’s word’s (Leda is an older artist activist who lives on Toronto Island) and had taken a section that I found powerful in their Leda-like straightforwardness. I wanted to share this and honour her so I invited Jerry and Leda and a few others to a gathering to share this. Everyone was gathered under a tent canopy out doors.
I began to read from my notes but I could hardly read my own handwriting and the sentences were not making a lot of sense. I kept reading one sentence at a time. Everyone was very patient and listening attentively hanging on to each word I could decipher. Then the words started to disappear and I had to make up what I was reading partially as I read.
Then the words started to turning into drawings that were moving and I found myself describing the movement and actions that were taking place in the drawing.
In the drawings Leda and her women friends wore shawls and each began to pull the shawl from the other onto herself. They became a field of moving shawls not meant to belong to only one woman. The island people listening to me describe this in the tent laughed and seemed to understand what was going on in the relationships between the women and Leda and the shawls.
Nané's dreams
There’s a series of dreams with children, babies and animals (rabbits in cages).
Sept. 27, 2014. I am in a restaurant hotel-like place. An old, multi-level building, and am taking care of a toddler boy. He’s been very active, now I am putting him in a stroller to go for a walk. Hoping he will fall asleep, but his diaper is wet. I think of changing him before our walk. I have to use the restaurant bathroom, and must walk through a men-only bar. I walk over and along a long table, thinking its not very hygienic to walk on the table as a route.
Oct 6, 2014. Then holding a baby, again its not my own, but am taking care of it in a hospital. S/he (gender unspecific) has special needs, with medical attachments/tubes coming out of his head. He starts bleeding in these places, and I try to get a nurse's attention. I am not sure of its blood or something else from the devices used to help him.
Barbara's Dream
Oct. 14, 2014. I am preparing for a full moon ritual at a Great Lake with a young woman. She was worked out the ritual with a candle. It is simple but with the candle and the moon reflecting it will be powerful. We are then preparing to leave. There are many people coming and we are trying to get all that is needed together. I offer her a battery as a backup and she gladly takes it. We are late getting there and it is a long walk along a busy pier to get to where we will do the ritual/At one point we see a sign light up and it announces her ritual. She has thought to publicize it. She does not seem over concerned that we are late as we walk towards the location through the people at the lakeshore.
a poem from dreaming the re/membering . . . 'a sound of you'
In the beginning there was a silence;
it bore down on me and swooped me up into its (void) stillness.
I spun around to find its face -
non appeared . . .
(whose arms are these that captivate?)
Peering ever closer to uncover (a form to negotiate my release)
I drop further into the silent shape
to discover a meeting point.
it is far.
Medwyn's Poem
finding space in the dream for the poem
reflection on truth
fragility of life
care for the babies
questions
actions
making space for the place
cleaning up our space
truth telling in
relationships for
generations
spac(e) ing
we close
huis clos
no exit
near exit
we sit
in camera
on camera
virtu elles
mes ailles
to carry/care
for fragile space
co-munity
no immunity
liars perhaps
we some lay down
too soon our
feminist embrace
what door
holds open
what room
what out—
doors
for those to come
we close to exit
Skype notes - source text for poems
October 9
creating space
cleaning space
generational piece - fragility of next generation
us being closer to the other end of life
how do we take action at this end of life
taking care of all the babies
the future generations that we need to care for
what is the cleanup we need to do from what we've created
to make space for next generation
how do we clean up a space for ourselves
poems or found poems from dreams
what would we do to create a poem from this
truth telling as part of cleanup for next generation
truth telling to bring ourselves into current relationships from a clean place
shanti's truth telling
I am at a large gathering of people a big party with all sorts of activities. Everyone is dressed up in ritual gear. A circle dance begins with many involved and I take the outside ring and begin to walk rhythmically widdershins around the circle. Many others are walking deosil and then others begin to join the widdershins circle. In the middle people are moving together it is a joyful dance with lots of colour, scarves are being twirled, skirts are full and flowing, it has youthful energy. Around the edge of the room are men and women standing tall and still holding the edges of the dance.
The dance ends and people divide roughly into three sections, at one end of the room is a table where women are making sparkly crafts together and chatting, at the other end is a group lying heads together resting? group trancing? and in the middle children drawing and colouring with older youth engaging them.
I can't find a place to sit at the table, don't want to lie on the floor, not interested in the childrens' circle and decide it is time to leave. I ask who organized this so that I can thank them and then the whole scene becomes very confused, it is the women at the end who organized and I don't seem to be able to get to them to thank them. The thought occurs that it is old fashioned of me to want to thank the organizers and perhaps that is why it is so hard to get there so I should just leave. The end of the dream is unresolved on this point.
Nané's dreams
At first, dreams of houses, boundaries and borders.
Sept 4, 2014. Something about keeping safe – in a house – right near the water, a lovely cottage-like house. But water is coming up around the house which is raised on stilts. I begin to close the windows.
Sept 6, 2014. Another dream - trying to find our house. We are driving, and arrive off a long road, on a lake in the country side. The house is set back from the water. It’s a nice house, but it has been unoccupied for so long, until we finally visit it – always this ‘other’ house, unexplored and unknown, that belongs to C’s parents, but we didn’t know about it. This dream returns, over and over, the found house, unoccupied, that was not known about – in ‘real’ life we live a kind of exile from such homes, and home-ownership, exiles of the ability to be in our own house. The first generation of our families to live like this.
Sept 8, 2014. In another house, a suburban-type nieghbourhood. I am closing the windows again, this time from supernatural intruders. I sense their coming energies. I make a survey of the property with a man, who flies on his feet, hovering above the ground. We scoot around the the fences, flying about the field-sized yard to paruse, feeling the presence of intruders, not yet there, but sensing how this place is undefended.
I awoke this morning feeling really energized and excited by the dream that came in the last sleep between 8am and 8.45am.
I am involved in a large and diverse group doing some activism theatre, working to a very tight timeline with lots to do. We are in a big house and we have lots of space. It is exciting and challenging. There is a spontaneous period of quiet in the large room of the house allowing people to rest and recharge. I suggest we make a space quiet space for the rest of our working time together, and then go through a process of finding a time and designating the space to be. I suggest 12noon to 6pm daily and that we use the large room, someone says we should include all the downstairs bedrooms to which my reaction is nobody can use your bedroom without your permission. I'm challenged on that and a woman suggests it is a colonialist attitude and I stand up and say 'that's where I'm from girl so bring it on'. Kathy Gates behind me says you go girl tell that's right. I feel we have a consensus and think the decision has been made and a woman challenges that, I say ok do we feel better if we all put our hands up to show the vote and i'm clearly sarcastic about this referring to it as behaviour of centuries ago. Beginning to lose focus folks are chatting. We vote, it is a yes.
All full rich engaged exciting dreaming. My waking thought is that this dream is an offer to me to enliven my engagement with life now to be more visible to step out and be more of me in more places, have fun, not care so much about opinions of others, be confident in my own brilliance and live from that place.
August 19, 2014 - Medwyn's dream
August 17 - Barbara's Dream
My sisters wedding and death. She is wearing a bridal gown and I am there but in the background with the horses. She is in a castle and I am in the stable. She is the princess for the family. I am in the background with the white horse. I am waiting outside, waiting to see if she has anything to say. I know that she won’t but I stay nearby waiting regardless. She is calling others in to speak with her on her deathbed. Other family members are there, my mom, my nephews. But I remain outside and not called inside. I know she will never be able to ride the horse again but I still wait with it.
Looking at this dream as a social and relational dream beyond my own self I see my sister representing the female who has given her life to the patriarchy. She has a clear and honoured role within it. A protected and secure home. Impenetrable really. I am the sister that has not given her life to the patriarchy and has stayed connected with the hidden realms, the matrixial, non-conscious. I am still present though in the outer sanctum of the patriarchy. Waiting for my dying sister to open dialogue with me and the horse and possibly to the ride with the white horse that will take her outside of the castle and beyond. I know she is not ready but I stay nearby with the horse regardless. I do not personally feel rejected but I am aware of the end time and the lack of openness to the power of the white horse. I am also aware of the value conflicts that are so polarized and can’t be resolved in our lifetimes. The world views that do not want to change. That would rather destroy each other than open to the power of the other. But we are still related and wait for each other.
August 18 - Ingred's recent dreams
night 1 love & hate
jos is close by. as if he's standing beside me fully in my space. fierce and angry towards me. also sense his apartness as he appears in a car alone but i know he's with a woman partner. he's outraged i have given my love to someone else.
haven't had such a visceral almost tangible sense of him in years (died dec 2009)—we separated in '95. he went to australia. we became close again as friends when he came to visit me and manning in vancouver summer 2005.
this inner 'jos' inside me—very hard separation (echoing separation from my twin brother) emergence of inner self—threatened by relationship with betsy because first time feel this bond of love in nearly 20yrs.
night 2 floating
mara (still a close friend who was part of free reign poetry group in new york (1974-6) has just come into a room i'm staying in. as she enters i feel myself in slow motion begin to spin and fall to the ground as if fainting—but instead of landing on the floor my body becomes completely buoyant and begins to spread out horizontally and to rise up in the air. it's an incredibly exhilarating feeling—whole body alive.
see this as phase i'm in of becoming more and more embodied—engaged in my life and relationship. affecting friendships as well.
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